Regret – that’s a strong word!
Everyone will always tell you to have no regrets. It’s not healthy to look back and wish you had/hadn’t done something. While I agree with that, I also slightly disagree…only slightly.
I can, of course only speak for myself here but I, as a person am constantly changing. Of course these changes become more and more subtle the older you grow and the more you experience, but change and growth are not only natural, they are healthy too. Once you get to a certain age you are, more than likely, a completely different person to the one you were so long ago – this is my argument.
About 8 years ago I was a whole other version of myself which was, funnily enough, a completely different version of the Me I was 6 years prior to that. I had more confidence, I had a great job, a new found independence, what I thought was a great group of friends and a new boyfriend.
I also had dreams. Big dreams that I was working towards. Things that sparked my imagination and made my eyes smile. But I was young and impressionable, I allowed myself to get led down loves rabbit hole. My dreams involved travel, my relationship did not. I let my dreams take a back seat, silently questioning myself every day.
2 years passed, the relationship continued but the love did not. I no longer had the job I loved because life had gotten in the way. Without sounding like too much of a hippy, I had to sell my soul to the corporate Devil and take a fancy office job in London. Office work is not for me, I don’t think it ever will be. I’m just not wired that way, my spirit is too free to be locked in a cage for 8 hours a day, allowed only to glimpse the beauty of nature through the closed windows. Also office politics and air conditioning have never agreed with me!
By this time my dreams were a distant memory and I had convinced myself that my loveless relationship was perfectly normal. Couples lose that spark after a while right? It’s normal to have nothing to say to each other unless you are arguing to the point of a nervous breakdown…right??
Another 2 years passed and money got even tighter. I was forced to take a 2nd job in a casino. As tiring as it was working both days and nights it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was back in the environment I loved. I was meeting new people every day, people that understood me. Slowly I started to become more Me again. Those passions I once had that fizzled to burnt embers were gently reignited.
Long story short, I got my dreams back 🙂
With them came the courage to end that loveless relationship I was clinging to out of comfort and quit the job I despised. My life was back on track and after a year and a half of healing, I was booking a flight and making my plans. The plans I should have made all those years ago.
So that is my one regret. I lost myself, I lost my dreams…no I ran away from my dreams and sacrificed my true passion for a love I knew was not deserving.
I think that’s the kind of regret that’s OK to have. I won’t ever regret doing something for love because, as all good souls know, Love is what makes the world go round. But I regret not being true to myself and my dreams. That regret will stay with me forever and for that I am grateful. As long as I have that memory I know I will never allow the same thing to happen again.
Nothing good can come from ignoring your dreams, but nothing bad can come from following them…♥